They've got goggles on, it's okay

I'm shocked

at my pageviews for this blog.

It appears
If you treat the internet like dirt
It will stick to you like mud.

Some confusion.
I'm not talking about you.
No, not you. You.
No, you. I actually am talking about you.
(See how this works? It's impossible to tell. That's the point.)
I could start putting names
(not a good idea)
And would defeat the purpose of anonymity, and vague-blogging, and venting.

but if the shoe fits, feel free to lace that bitch up and wear it.

*

It's mind boggling

the cyclical ways in which people come into and leave your life.

Is it finally time we realize that society's standard of one and done, lifelong monotony

isn't really the easiest thing

What if we are all lions and lionesseses

and not penguins

or doves.

Have you ever seen a mammal and a bird mate? I've never even heard of that.

My point is

I will love every single person I have ever loved

Forever.

There are different intensities, there are different feelings different smiles different thoughts.

And I am struggling very hard these days with the notion that

Giving these people my love

portions of my proverbial heart

(which I'm also not sure if I buy into anymore; the more love you give the more love you have. So why is it considered giving your heart away until there's none left for you? How are you not yourself)

Does not, in fact, give them any sort of power over me.

At all.

For some reason in my head, when I commit to admitting that I love someone, in any way, I automatically have to live my life based on the reactions these people would have to my various actions.

Which, I suppose, is what being considerate is.

Just not multiplied tenthousandfold into every bit of my life.

I'm fucking free.

I need to act like it.

Some days I am riddled with anxious guilt over things I haven't even done yet.

Just things I want to do.

I'll get back out of it though.

I always do.

I might be a lunatic, but at least I'm a hopeful one.

They may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not...

*

Waiting on photo shoot pictures is a really long and exciting process.

I get to see Eddie Izzard in four days.

I'm getting sick of my day job.

*

It hasn't even been two weeks yet. And I'm already ready for you to come back.

I feel like I'm waiting for you to come back from Georgia

And not from attempts at permanence with a shoddy stand in.

Vanessa came back, and so did I. And we both swore up and down we were out for good.

You will. It's just what we do. And I say that not with malice, but experience.

I'll see you at the end.

(See what I did to erase the confusion?)

Arthur, your safari into the pointless ends now. Get in the car.

***

What would be really funny,

is if by the time you returned

I was four hours away.

Oh, irony. We'll see, timing. We'll see.

*

Sunshine. We'd be unstoppable. This I know. But your peg doesn't fit my hole.

That one wasn't a sex pun either. Deflector reflector.

Eatmybrain.

xx

sing another song and make me feel like I'm in love again

the boulevard will never be so full of love and life again...