I have to

look at myself in the mirror while I floss

because my teeth feel weird in my head and I can't tell if I got between them all.

tap out my shoes obsessively before I put them on

because I own a couple pairs and I'm afraid there's spiders in them. 

There really was a spider once. 

find it really hard to believe that it's been a week already since you left. 

But

If it's already been a week

Pretty soon it'll be a month.

Then six.

And a year before I know it. 

I wonder if you'll be back within a year.

I wonder if I'll be here within a year.

(I think I'll be gone in 8.)

Super 8.

*

I have a photoshoot tomorrow.

*

I want to have enough self respect to tell you to kick rocks

because you did horrible things to me

treated me about as terrible as two people in a relationship can treat eachother.

Don't tell me I'm not blameless, don't you dare

I apologized genuinely long ago

And I've been waiting (for three years it seems) to hear yours.

Thanks for finally delivering it in a manner I could digest and not want to vomit back up in your face.

Even though some parts of talking to you made me want to vomit.

I don't understand how you can make me feel all of the ways you make me feel all at once.

Maybe one day I'll have let enough of my bitterness go to be able to try and trust you.

I don't take back what I said. I won't tell you when I'm in Denver.

And I'll be there, turns out. It's a lot closer, less distance to drive, and the rental car is about a thousand dollars cheaper.

Winner winner chicken dinner

You'll know though, when I'm there.

I've felt you off and on consistently since I've been home

I know you've felt me too

So it shouldn't be too hard.

I'll probably be in Civic Center park with my best friend smoking like the world is gonna end.

*

Last night felt really good. It felt the best that any night has felt in a while.

And I was sitting at home by myself.

That's almost like an accomplishment.

Wanna feel good? Close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

[deeper]

Ready?

Stop giving a fuck.

I love you.
You're beautiful.

Have a good day.

♥

take the words that hang above my head

"what about the kid?"

it's time the kid got free

there's something about hangin out with the wicked kids..