A year I think? (approximately)
So here I sit.
Back at square one.
Back at "don't try too hard."
Back at everything being a new discovery, because so much territory goes uncharted
unmapped
uncapped
fat caps.
I need a vacation.
So here I sit.
Back at square one.
Back at "don't try too hard."
Back at everything being a new discovery, because so much territory goes uncharted
unmapped
uncapped
fat caps.
I need a vacation.
There's this new thing that I'm feeling lately.
It tastes a bit like envy
Everyone is engaged
Everyone is getting married
Everyone is getting INto relationships
And I'm just over here like...
...am I ever gonna be in one again?
When it comes down to the classification choices I have to make
about whether or not what I feel is the delicious drowning of my sorrows and loneliness
(made a bit less delicious and slightly more hollow)
if the knowledge that this really isn't going to work out is true
I have always been a believer in "when you know, you know."
If I knew, I'd know. But I don't know. So I guess it isn't.
But Fall brings nostalgia in me;
brings the need for physicality, the need to allow myself to drift helplessly far into cheesy holiday songs and hypnotizing fires...just, not by myself.
Sometimes it feels like I'm just watching everyone else around me learn lessons while I am so far out I can't breathe
(help help!I'm bein' repressed! Disassociation!)
And sometimes it feels like everyone I know is doing the same to me.
This retrograde isn't getting to me quite the way it usually does.
In fact, the opposite. I can see the breakdowns in communication but this time I feel like I'm doing a better job of rising above it.
Working on finding my place.
Working on the feelings I have that say I'll be forever working on finding my place.
Working on remembering my dreams.
Working on building my empire.
Working on myself.
Working.
It tastes a bit like envy
Everyone is engaged
Everyone is getting married
Everyone is getting INto relationships
And I'm just over here like...
...am I ever gonna be in one again?
When it comes down to the classification choices I have to make
about whether or not what I feel is the delicious drowning of my sorrows and loneliness
(made a bit less delicious and slightly more hollow)
if the knowledge that this really isn't going to work out is true
I have always been a believer in "when you know, you know."
If I knew, I'd know. But I don't know. So I guess it isn't.
But Fall brings nostalgia in me;
brings the need for physicality, the need to allow myself to drift helplessly far into cheesy holiday songs and hypnotizing fires...just, not by myself.
Sometimes it feels like I'm just watching everyone else around me learn lessons while I am so far out I can't breathe
(help help!
And sometimes it feels like everyone I know is doing the same to me.
This retrograde isn't getting to me quite the way it usually does.
In fact, the opposite. I can see the breakdowns in communication but this time I feel like I'm doing a better job of rising above it.
Working on finding my place.
Working on the feelings I have that say I'll be forever working on finding my place.
Working on remembering my dreams.
Working on building my empire.
Working on myself.
Working.
I'll be okay. I've had lots of practice.
I'll be better than okay.
I am better than okay.
I'm good.
I'm good.
I'm good...
I think
It is far better
to have someone
wish to know you
than for someone to wish to be you.
Maybe
wishing to read the script
of someone's soul
makes the both of you
just
a little bit
more interesting.
..
ta ta.
M.
