I see you

I feel you
I notice when you look..

I thought about Red Bulls hidden in metal beds
sketches I never finished
and just when I thought the hole with your name on it was healed I felt a sting where you used to be.
I won't drown myself in what I wish I wasn't missing out on
This night won't find me dripping silently with regret while I feed that howling hunger in my gut.
I will push you away
Push you back into the shadows and dark corners I wish you'd stayed in
I won't let you hurt me tonight.
I won't let you hurt me tonight.
I won't let you.

I thought about Guitar Hero pants at flattering angles
Remembered how you ran to me when someone came into my backyard
and when I thought I was doing the right thing and being the bigger person by cutting the ties
I find out you accentuate your pleas for space and left alone to that person who is not me
to cover up the fact that you haven't asked me for anything
other than understanding.
Of which I have plenty.
Of you
of this
of the way things work
of Magic.
And I will come and go, the way he did, and you will see.

There are cycles of everything. Everything rotates ascends crashes decomposes recomposes. If I figure out what starts the madness I can break the cipher break the cycle..Starting here. I know how to find you. I will leave you alone. I will not hold delusions that there is anything stopping communication the other way around.

//flawlesstwistingscriptingillusions;you'll never catch me. I see you try see you squint see your wheels turning burning but you're burning rubber flailing bailing out your boat getting nowhere..and 

//THEN there's differentials and I'm just the lilac fire burning in the corner watching falling coffee grounds getting lost in places I've no business in(yet).

>Can't take this can't shake this I remember this

>Shadows in backgrounds with lucid tantalizing the fringes of my consciousness

>Or am I too intense - is it frightening that their energy turned out to feel like you

//Noticing my defense lapsing

wonder how much time is passing between

those times enjoyment shows

in glances cast, "no big deal" if asked

but inside feels like spitting nostalgia - through something that hates to spit

and wishes it could pour gently instead

without ending up a tsunami.

Unfortunately it's one or the spastic other.

That part you're missing

Or that you're wondering about?

The missing dark spots aside from the obvious ones;

I'm batshit fucking insane. 

Something new.  Rebellious. Tower-ing..
Bull.
           

Cheese puns are my favorite.